Do you like meetings? I mean REALLY REALLY like meetings?
Well if you do, you probably want to get an MBA.... All the cool managers are doing it...
What is an MBA you ask?
Essentially it is a license to make terrible decisions without the worry of suffering the consequences.
What do you learn in an MBA program?
"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. "
-A.H. Weiler
When you complete this program, you will be able to logically reduce the above quote to mean the following:
1) As a thought leader/visionary/guru/manager, I create exciting new plans.
2) I hand these plans off to my underlings to execute it.
3) Since I am not having to do said work, nothing is impossible.
Congratulations, you are ready to join that meeting you have always dreamed of attending.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A Shell Script for Employee Reviews...
It is End of Year review time at work, and to save those of you in managerial positions the difficulty of understanding your employees contributions, I present the Boss Script (suggest you save as bs.sh).
Invoke as "bs.sh EmployeeName BossName" and the pesky review process can be done in an instant!
#!/bin/sh
# Employee End of Year Review Script .1 - 01-26-2011 JR
# Are you a non-technical manager and have to review your technical employees?
# Are you arbitrary, but don't know what arbitrary means?
MyNameAfterThisEqualSign=$2
PeonNameAfterThisEqualSign=$1
echo "Dear $1, "
echo " Here is your End of Year review dated `date`"
echo " General Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Specific Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Generally Specific Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Specificaly General Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " (All values are rated on a scale of 0-32767, however I did not get to the part of my MBA program that discusses what the numbers mean.)"
echo " Your Boss: $2"
echo " As always if you have any questions, please don't ask them."
Invoke as "bs.sh EmployeeName BossName" and the pesky review process can be done in an instant!
#!/bin/sh
# Employee End of Year Review Script .1 - 01-26-2011 JR
# Are you a non-technical manager and have to review your technical employees?
# Are you arbitrary, but don't know what arbitrary means?
MyNameAfterThisEqualSign=$2
PeonNameAfterThisEqualSign=$1
echo "Dear $1, "
echo " Here is your End of Year review dated `date`"
echo " General Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Specific Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Generally Specific Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " Specificaly General Undefined Objectives: $RANDOM"
echo " (All values are rated on a scale of 0-32767, however I did not get to the part of my MBA program that discusses what the numbers mean.)"
echo " Your Boss: $2"
echo " As always if you have any questions, please don't ask them."
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Information Technology Choose Your Own Adventure Book
(PAGE 12)
As a system user, you approach one of the Systems Engineers in a rage that application (blah) is not working properly on server (blah).
If you let the Engineer work on the problem, go to page 13
If you insist that no downtime is acceptable and the problem must be solved
by magic, go to page 12
If you call a meeting, go to page 12
As a system user, you approach one of the Systems Engineers in a rage that application (blah) is not working properly on server (blah).
If you let the Engineer work on the problem, go to page 13
If you insist that no downtime is acceptable and the problem must be solved
by magic, go to page 12
If you call a meeting, go to page 12
Thursday, September 30, 2010
That's Not IT: Painful Mutilations of the English Language in Technology
Phrase of the day: "Stand Up"
Meaning: To implement, start,deploy or build.
Usage: "When are we going to stand up the new datacenter?"
Not sure where this originated, but when used in the past tense things get fun:
Actual Question(TM): "Who stood-up the Catalyst Switch?"
Imagine: "It was getting late, the switch was decked out in her finest Cat 6 cabling waiting for her date to arrive. As the minutes ticked by, it became apparent that either they had mis-communicated their timing (This is a Cisco switch after-all...) or she had been stood up. Broken hearted, and with a broadcast storm outside, her packets began to collide uncontrollably..."
Actual Answer(TM): "Dunno, probably the last guy that quit."
Meaning: To implement, start,deploy or build.
Usage: "When are we going to stand up the new datacenter?"
Not sure where this originated, but when used in the past tense things get fun:
Actual Question(TM): "Who stood-up the Catalyst Switch?"
Imagine: "It was getting late, the switch was decked out in her finest Cat 6 cabling waiting for her date to arrive. As the minutes ticked by, it became apparent that either they had mis-communicated their timing (This is a Cisco switch after-all...) or she had been stood up. Broken hearted, and with a broadcast storm outside, her packets began to collide uncontrollably..."
Actual Answer(TM): "Dunno, probably the last guy that quit."
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Herman Melville, IT Guru
"To the last, I grapple with thee"
You are staring, bleary eyed, at the alert messages spewing forth from your accursed rectangle of sadness, better known by its marketing name of 'Blackberry'.
For the umpteenth time your server's response time is too slow, and the I/O delays are too high.
For the umpteenth time you curse your decision not to become a tuning fork salesman instead of going into IT.
For the umpteenth time you scan through the server looking for something, anything that will alow you to silence the 'Blackberry' and let you get a few hours of sleep before the work/littlesleep/work cycle starts again...
Slowly it dawns on you to look at the filesystem table:
"From Hell's heart I fstab at thee"
cat /etc/fstab
LABEL=/ / ext3 defaults 1 1
LABEL=/database /opt/database ext3 defaults 1 2
LABEL=/boot /boot ext3 defaults 1 2
The poor database sits upon an ext3 partition with 'defaults' options.
You pause for a moment before remembering a word... That word is 'noatime'
It is a nonsense word, but it is a word that may let you get back to sleep tonight as this disables 'access time' from being tracked per file.
Ext3's normal way of handling files is to always write an access time to the file, whether it is reading it or writing it.
This means that everytime your application reads from that partition... there is also a matching write operation. Always.
By disabling this feature, you can save %10-%40 I/O depending on your workload as this extra write operation never takes place.
You quickly change the fstab file:
LABEL=/ / ext3 defaults 1 1
LABEL=/database /opt/database ext3 noatime 1 2
LABEL=/boot /boot ext3 defaults 1 2
But nothing has changed.
Now you either need to umount/mount /opt/database (which would require stopping any applications accessing files there), or since you did not make any changes to the way journaling is handed via a datamode change, you may also 'remount' /opt/database while it is running for atime to take hold...
"For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee"
The Blackberry is silent.
And you will get some sleep.
Until it wakes you again...
You are staring, bleary eyed, at the alert messages spewing forth from your accursed rectangle of sadness, better known by its marketing name of 'Blackberry'.
For the umpteenth time your server's response time is too slow, and the I/O delays are too high.
For the umpteenth time you curse your decision not to become a tuning fork salesman instead of going into IT.
For the umpteenth time you scan through the server looking for something, anything that will alow you to silence the 'Blackberry' and let you get a few hours of sleep before the work/littlesleep/work cycle starts again...
Slowly it dawns on you to look at the filesystem table:
"From Hell's heart I fstab at thee"
cat /etc/fstab
LABEL=/ / ext3 defaults 1 1
LABEL=/database /opt/database ext3 defaults 1 2
LABEL=/boot /boot ext3 defaults 1 2
The poor database sits upon an ext3 partition with 'defaults' options.
You pause for a moment before remembering a word... That word is 'noatime'
It is a nonsense word, but it is a word that may let you get back to sleep tonight as this disables 'access time' from being tracked per file.
Ext3's normal way of handling files is to always write an access time to the file, whether it is reading it or writing it.
This means that everytime your application reads from that partition... there is also a matching write operation. Always.
By disabling this feature, you can save %10-%40 I/O depending on your workload as this extra write operation never takes place.
You quickly change the fstab file:
LABEL=/ / ext3 defaults 1 1
LABEL=/database /opt/database ext3 noatime 1 2
LABEL=/boot /boot ext3 defaults 1 2
But nothing has changed.
Now you either need to umount/mount /opt/database (which would require stopping any applications accessing files there), or since you did not make any changes to the way journaling is handed via a datamode change, you may also 'remount' /opt/database while it is running for atime to take hold...
"For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee"
The Blackberry is silent.
And you will get some sleep.
Until it wakes you again...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Game Review: Dungeons and Dragons 4E
System: Dungeons & Dragons, 4th Edition
What it is: A home invasion simulator set in a Lord of the Rings meets Harry Potter meets Jack Vance meets Every Fantasy Trope in the Last Thirty Years Blenderverse.
What it isn't: My Dinner with Andre.
Overview:
D&D is the father of RPGs. At times he may be a bit abusive and hard to understand, but we understand that if it wasn't for him we probably wouldn't be here. (I guess we could extend the analogy to discuss our odd Uncle Tunnels & Trolls as well, but that is for another day...)
The basic focus of D&D has always been about taking on the role of a member of a band of intrepid adventurers, who for reasons that are often not adequately explained, wander the world looking for treasure and killing the people/things/semi-sentient jello monsters who currently possess it.
D&D has always had many systems in place to resolve the important aspects of killing people and taking their things namely:
1) How to stab/bludgeon/shoot someone
2) How to throw magic balls of fire at large groups of someones.
3) How to sneak behind someone and take their stuff without killing them.
4) How to be a Bard and have your fellow players mock you mercilessly for your class choice.
What D&D has always struggled with was the inclusion of systems to resolve actions not involving outright theft and murder, such as social intrigues, crafting, etc.
D&D was on a fairly rapid incline in terms of complexity trying to deal with this issue when the 4th Edition designers threw in the towel and cut many of those options entirely.
This was either a blessing or a curse depending on who you are.
Who I am is a player that missed 3.0 & 3.5 entirely, and as such I have to say: I really like the change.
D&D has always been a game that fits a certain type of play: the aforementioned murder and theft of creatures loitering in abandoned cellars and the like, which 4E handles quite nicely.
Expecting mechanical support detailing how best to role-play the day to day activities of Joe the guttersweep and resolve his social interactions with Lola the dyslexic blacksmith whom he has pined for since they were children all while engaging in a poignant commentary on the class inequalities in a feudal society from D&D is akin to expecting Stallone to deliver the Gettysburg Address at the end of Rambo...
If you want broad skills, and characters who can get by without being combat focused, there are quite a few games that let you do that.
If ,on the other hand, you want to stab an orc in the face, steal his treasure and do it all in the name of 'justice' with a bunch of your friends, 4E is a blast to play.
What it is: A home invasion simulator set in a Lord of the Rings meets Harry Potter meets Jack Vance meets Every Fantasy Trope in the Last Thirty Years Blenderverse.
What it isn't: My Dinner with Andre.
Overview:
D&D is the father of RPGs. At times he may be a bit abusive and hard to understand, but we understand that if it wasn't for him we probably wouldn't be here. (I guess we could extend the analogy to discuss our odd Uncle Tunnels & Trolls as well, but that is for another day...)
The basic focus of D&D has always been about taking on the role of a member of a band of intrepid adventurers, who for reasons that are often not adequately explained, wander the world looking for treasure and killing the people/things/semi-sentient jello monsters who currently possess it.
D&D has always had many systems in place to resolve the important aspects of killing people and taking their things namely:
1) How to stab/bludgeon/shoot someone
2) How to throw magic balls of fire at large groups of someones.
3) How to sneak behind someone and take their stuff without killing them.
4) How to be a Bard and have your fellow players mock you mercilessly for your class choice.
What D&D has always struggled with was the inclusion of systems to resolve actions not involving outright theft and murder, such as social intrigues, crafting, etc.
D&D was on a fairly rapid incline in terms of complexity trying to deal with this issue when the 4th Edition designers threw in the towel and cut many of those options entirely.
This was either a blessing or a curse depending on who you are.
Who I am is a player that missed 3.0 & 3.5 entirely, and as such I have to say: I really like the change.
D&D has always been a game that fits a certain type of play: the aforementioned murder and theft of creatures loitering in abandoned cellars and the like, which 4E handles quite nicely.
Expecting mechanical support detailing how best to role-play the day to day activities of Joe the guttersweep and resolve his social interactions with Lola the dyslexic blacksmith whom he has pined for since they were children all while engaging in a poignant commentary on the class inequalities in a feudal society from D&D is akin to expecting Stallone to deliver the Gettysburg Address at the end of Rambo...
If you want broad skills, and characters who can get by without being combat focused, there are quite a few games that let you do that.
If ,on the other hand, you want to stab an orc in the face, steal his treasure and do it all in the name of 'justice' with a bunch of your friends, 4E is a blast to play.
Why am I here?
Q: Why start a blog?
A: Because I have noticed a lack of blogging on the 'ol Internet. Concerned that blogging might fade away due to lack of interest, I have decided to single handedly save the 'art' by utilizing my semi-adequate writing skills...
Oops, forgot the <sarcasm> tag...
Seriously, this blog is intended as something of a 'braindump' which will most likely have an audience of one, myself.
Areas I will be covering:
1. Gaming (mostly the pen and paper variety)
2. Tech (I'm a professional geek)
3. Other (whatever else I feel like rambling about at great length.)
Areas I will not be covering:
1. What I had for breakfast
2. Politics,which usually looks & smells remarkably like 'used breakfast'. (Think about it... On second thought, don't.)
3. Religion. Remarkably like #2, but people seem more willing to hurt you if your used breakfast smells a bit different than their's.
Now technically I've broken two of my rules in my very first post, so that's what I call progress.
A: Because I have noticed a lack of blogging on the 'ol Internet. Concerned that blogging might fade away due to lack of interest, I have decided to single handedly save the 'art' by utilizing my semi-adequate writing skills...
Oops, forgot the <sarcasm> tag...
Seriously, this blog is intended as something of a 'braindump' which will most likely have an audience of one, myself.
Areas I will be covering:
1. Gaming (mostly the pen and paper variety)
2. Tech (I'm a professional geek)
3. Other (whatever else I feel like rambling about at great length.)
Areas I will not be covering:
1. What I had for breakfast
2. Politics,which usually looks & smells remarkably like 'used breakfast'. (Think about it... On second thought, don't.)
3. Religion. Remarkably like #2, but people seem more willing to hurt you if your used breakfast smells a bit different than their's.
Now technically I've broken two of my rules in my very first post, so that's what I call progress.
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